


We Will Figure This Out

by yeetwoodmac



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multichapter, Post Wayward Son, Slow Burn, wayward son spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-18 22:14:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22100668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeetwoodmac/pseuds/yeetwoodmac
Summary: Simon promised he would be Baz’s terrible boyfriend, and he wasn’t lying. This takes place post Wayward Son, Baz and Simon Take a break to try to figure out their communication issues.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	We Will Figure This Out

BAZ

I’m dropping Simon off after going out to dinner with him. He’s already changed into his pajamas, a white shirt and plaid pants. He looks so perfect and we are sitting on the couch facing each other.

The date went fine, but he’s been…..off since before we went to America. I haven’t pressed him on it again because I have a feeling if I do he’ll fall apart.

He’s made of paper mache right now, and I’ve got the touch of an elephant. 

We thought maybe a vacation would fix us but it just made us both miss what we used to be even more, I think.

I miss him. I know he’s right here but I miss him all the same. He’s so far away. In the back of Shepard’s truck I was holding him but he felt like he was hanging onto me by a thread. 

He’s slouching like he so heavy, like there’s a thousand pounds on his shoulders

I want to hold him, and hold it all for him.

“Are you okay?”

SIMON

I’m breaking, Baz, I’m breaking right in front of you and I want to reach out and make it stop but I can’t and I don’t know if I will ever be able to.

“I’m fine, I would just rather be alone right now.”

BAZ

I don’t understand. I wish he would just talk to me, tell me what’s wrong, but I think we spent so long hiding everything we felt from each other to really ever be able to connect in the way we want.

“Okay.”

Or maybe just the way I want. 

I know him. I know he isn’t okay, he’s never been good at hiding how he feels. It leaks out of him. I also know that there’s a barrier around him I’m never going to be able to break. He won’t let me, and I’m tired if I’m honest. 

I stand up from his couch, and I walk towards the door. 

“If you need anything, let me know.”

I want to explode right now, I want to clutch his shoulders and shake him and demand he let me in. 

“Yeah, I'll text you,” he lies. 

I close the door behind me and rest my forehead against the wood.

I need to accept that I can’t make him do anything. I can’t make him talk to me. Insane how we can defeat any enemy put before us, but when it’s our own minds we are helpless, absolutely helpless.

SIMON

I wring my hands through my hair. Why am I so stupid.

I want to scream. I feel like I’m grasping at a cliff edge as I slip over. Baz keeps offering me his hand and I keep denying it, and I don’t even know why. 

I thought this would all be so easy. I wanted it so bad I didn’t even really think. He hasn’t gotten ugly or anything since I asked him if I could be his terrible boyfriend, in fact he’s gotten more beautiful over time. He’s so lovely, my heart can’t even handle it. It’s all so much. When I see him, I feel like I’m being flipped inside out. It’s always felt like that, but I can’t believe I didn’t realize it was because I’m so obsessed with him.

I used to match his “so much”. I used to be a bright burning flame about to explode at any moment, I was the most powerful mage, and now I’m just Simon, and he’s still so big and perfect and….. much. 

Maybe that’s it. Maybe I can’t stand the thought of him seeing me so small, because he’s so lovely and I feel like an idiot all the time. A big oaf, everything he always told me I am. Boring because I’ve lost everything. Maybe that’s why I keep insufferably pushing him away, because I don’t think I’m enough for him anymore. 

The thing that terrifies me most though is the thought of all my pushing working. That he really will leave me.

What’s wrong with me. 

I tell him to leave but expect him to stay. 

I can’t keep doing this. I have to choose one or the other. 

BAZ

I’m about to get in my car when Simon, barefoot and red faced, runs out of his apartment towards me.

He reaches me and stops. His eyes are wild and I can feel his mind on fire, I have no idea what he’s thinking. 

“Yes Simon?” I say because I’ll never get him get the first word in.

“Baz, I think we need to take a break.”

Oh wow. I didn’t expect that one. 

I take a deep breath, close my car door and cross my arms.

“Really.”

SIMON

Oh Crowley. It feels like he’s freezing, like he’s becoming crystalline right before my eyes. Looking at him feels like I’m being stabbed by a thousand needles. 

“Yeah I-“

“What, Simon.”

Shit. 

“I just feel like-“

My hands are in my hair, I can’t look, he’s making me so anxious and the ice is crawling to my feet freezing me to the ground and stopping my tongue.

“What do you feel like Simon.”

His words are venom.

I take a deep breath. 

“I’m in a rough place right now and I think I just need some time to think.”

“You think you just need some time to think.”

“Yes, that’s what I said.”

“Okay.”

“Okay…”

Baz takes a step back. 

He opens the door to his car and looks at me one more time. 

“Okay.”

He gets in his car and drives away. 

I watch him until I can’t see him anymore. 

Fuck. 

BAZ

I’ll never let him get the last word either.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys for reading! There will be future chapters, I’m debating making this into a whole series haha.... the story will develop next chapter.


End file.
